The LONG And BUMPY Road

“A mule will labor ten years willingly and patiently for you, for the privilege of kicking you once ” - William Faulkner

I should mention, again, for the good of repetition and reiteration, how difficult it is to travel by bus in Laos, for all who may find themselves in that questionable state of mind, questioning whether they should fly or go by land elsewhere - Fly! Perhaps the money is an issue? It's not. The issue is the Laotian roads. Once more, I forgot to remember good sense and took a bus out of Laos. I was punished accordingly. I do not wish to write of buses so much, as doing so steals the supremacy and robs the notability from the landscape and the culture of where I am traveling; but the damned buses! This nightmare ride was supposed to take 18 hours; it did

not. Instead, the thing took 27; 6 of which were passed sleeping on the road because of a weak axle giving into it's weakness halfway up the side of an unstable mountain. Very well, the road was a surprise; we slept on it and it was a bed of comfort and space and cool temperature that the bus surely could not provide. I will not call the sequence a “blessing in disguise”, but it was something in disguise, I think. We waited all night and into the morning for a spare bus, and then we rode the rusty spare cylinder with no windows and a grand civilization of mosquitoes living in it's light sockets all the way to Chiang Mai. Certainly I was too tired to be upset, so I saved the feeling for another time when I should be better rested. In Chiang Mai, I discovered that I had missed the Water Festival and therefore missed the excitement of the city all together. Most of the time was used in tramping along the old city perimeter and on to Chiang Mai University. Of particular interest was the Sukontha Buffet. Interesting for numerous reasons, mainly because I was the only Western face amongst a sea of Asian ones, and because I fumbled around with types of food which, perhaps, were not types of food at all. I don't wish to imagine what they were in reality. But, by and by, I found suitable edibles such as beef and pork, and some skinny greens too. I grilled some pineapple, and it was delicious, such is the nature of pineapple, it was created so that all other food should have a role model.

And, on the road once more, I got about to Bangkok once more, in a cautious mood once more. It is a hub city, so I do not feel remorse in visiting again. Here, I passed my days in the precious hot pursuit of the fugitive Chinese visa. Capable of blowing the highest mind, this visa's requirements could stand with the best of unnecessary things.

Chinese Visa Requirements

• Passport
• Passport Photo
• Application
• Smaller Application
• Flight Booking Information
• Hotel Reservations for time allotted
• Bank Statement
• Date of Entry
• Date of Departure
• Time of Entry
• Time of Departure
• Color of socks you will be wearing on each day in China (please be specific)
• Number of meals you will have each day, and number of snacks each evening
• Expected number of hours in REM sleep during visit
• How many times you will cough four days prior to arrival
• How many times you will blink four days prior to departure

*NOTE: Americans will need to pay three times more than all other nationalities, and fill out twice the forms. Also, if Americans could wait in line twice as long as everyone else, that would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You – Chinese Embassy

Complying to their demands and obeying their structure is the only way into the Giant Red Squall, so that is exactly what I did. But, let it be known that I was mildly frustrated and occasionally stressed by the process! Furthermore, in the future, I shall most certainly complain about it to someone who has no authority to change it. My desire to turn China's question mark into a period was enough for me to withstand the endeavor. So be it!

Presently, I took a pilgrimage to low cost consumer holy land: the Chatuchak Weekend Market – the largest in South East Asia, and perhaps all of Asia, and perhaps all the world. By no measure and by no means am I a man of gigantic proportions; I rise to a height of 6'2” and the quantity of my matter contained by my bodies relative mass is 205lbs, but everyone around me, seemingly, was miniature. I suppose that in Asia I am gargantuan, but the feeling was one of awkwardness, surely. At times I wished to rest my bag on the shelf of scalps all around me, but feared the market-goers might find the gesture offensive. Very well, they do not

understand the perils of Western size in a continent made for the micro. I forgive them, and hope one day they find a continent of pygmies and know my hardships then. By and by, I met a friendly girl who began to guide me around the market. She had no trouble locating my American sized body at all. She took me to some shops off the beaten trail, and showed me some great deals. She talked about the market and it's place in the history of Bangkok. She talked of culture, she talked of food, she talked of style, she talked of the weather. We got to eating at a lunch stand and talking more about more things. It is during this exchange of things that she told me she was actually a he; a “ladyboy”. OK I thought. OK. Ok. ok... wait. What? She repeated it for my soft ears and I finally understood. I quickly thought about it and decided that each person should choose what is right for them and what makes them happy... so I chose the right thing for me was to exit her presence as soon as possible, and that what made me happy was to say goodbye to him! I wish her the best, and hope he finds what she is looking for! Next stop – China!