Beijing and Shanghai

“ In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock ” - Thomas Jefferson

Perhaps I should get the negatives started and let the positives follow as they may; it is appropriate in this way; it is the way of my experience in Beijing:

Beijing, China

I fear it is a hopeless search to find a city more polluted than Beijing. Every waking moment one lives under an eternally gray sky of smog and debris, and litter, and a general nastiness of that sort. Getting fresh air is a task that has never been known here! And, throwing garbage in a garbage can is a completely useless endeavor as most litter is just as easily thrown on the ground as if the city itself were the receptacle, and a receptacle which has been overflowing for years without the attention of local residents, or local waste collectors. I missed a garbage can once with a poorly aimed toss in a back street of a suburb of Beijing and had the audacity to pick it up and place it inside its rightful home; the expressions I received could have been painted on canvas and sold as artwork in the Louvre! What an insane foreigner; picking UP garbage! Why doesn't he just leave it there to be blown around the streets for decades? I never got used to this carelessness while in Beijing, and found it a practice offensive to my values and dreadful to my senses. So be it, it is to be expected here and there in a world of 7 billion people and in a country of 1.5 billion people – to be taken by it, or surprised by it, one would have to be naïve, and narrow.

I also fear for the survival of manners if it is to follow the example of Beijing. Getting onto a public bus is an exercise in impatience, pushing, shoving, rudeness, panic, selfishness, yelling, cursing, pinching, bumping, elbowing, and other traits emulating the fundamental animal instinct of persistence. If you are looking for a basic rule of thumb for boarding a Beijing street bus, you should look in the obituaries. And, if somehow you get on the bus, make sure to stay close to the door, as getting off can be like wildebeest crossing the Nile; I would have paid gold to have been the one eaten by the crocodile and spared the sequence. So you see, mayhem flows through the streets here like blood through a mental patient, so stay clear minded and have your wits about you, and your elbows ready to shove back, when appropriate.

It is backwards, then, that I so kindly enjoyed it. It is so backwards, indeed, that it may have gone so far backwards as to find forwards. But, I believe I know the reason for the anomaly. China, Beijing in particular, is a place bathed in an extraordinary amount of history and culture. Recently, my own country turned 237 years old – Happy Birthday America! - and it would be a 16^th generation Chinese state! To think about all the history and long lines of familiar past, and outstanding traditions, and language, and art, and music is

enough to bring a historian to his knees, and an anthropologist to the hospital. I first came to the realization when visiting the Forbidden City. It is the home to many Emperors of China's long past, and it is massive, of course, being Chinese. Everything is bigger in Texas; Everything is biggest in China. The complex has nearly 1,000 buildings and is 8,000,000 square feet, at which point it is not necessary to still count using feet, I think. The common areas inside the wall are blind-siding; how many soldiers must have been before the Emperor's field of view! The Emperor's must have all been substantially and wonderfully arrogant judging by how much they needed: 1,000 wives, a city for a home, a closet the size of the Lincoln Memorial, thousands of genital-less male servants, and as many dragon stoned decorations as could be seen from space. There have been a great many inconsiderate and spoiled rulers in the history of the planet, claiming to be given power through divinity, but none who have been divine enough to see how foolish they were. But, gradually they have all built outstanding tourist attractions!

Now then, the Great Wall of China is a masterpiece of human history, and another important reason why China is ultimately fascinating. It was built for centuries, and re-built for centuries more to act as a divide between the historical factions of Chinese power and others, like the Mongols, who might just try and challenge that power. As far as being one of the wonders of the world; I would say it qualifies well enough. Thus, tourists congregate to the thing like Notre Dame Cathedral out of their own wonder and curiosity. If curiosity can kill a cat, whom will kill the mice? It is a problem usually, but to my delight the wall was rather tame with human infestation. In fact, only four Chinese people had their pictures taken with me! Only four! What a shame it is. Perhaps I should be thankful for those four; presumably, they didn't realize they were taking a picture with someone of no fame, no riches, no power, and no significant consequence. Their loss, I am not interested in celebrating false achievements, but I am no stranger to being buttered up by false celebrity. I accept it with honor and a smile.

A finale worthy of a thousand endings; the Beijing Duck. Its appearance is not stunning, and in fact it is quite regular, but the taste and texture of this delicacy could write symphonies together! My Holy Grace! Succulent could describe it, I suppose, perhaps delectable would be better fit to its size, or blessed if the occasion and the company wouldn't be offended by the adjective. I don't remember a time when I almost fell to my knees from taste alone; this was a first, I think. Let us begin with the skin; it is like eating a swollen potato chip filled with juice and cooked to a crispiness that has never been known to a mouth that hasn't tried it. In regards to those who would suggest it is too oily, I say this: Nonsense! It could not be more perfect if it was a right angle! And to wrap it in a Chinese tortilla with basil leaves, cucumber, duck sauce, and white stalks is to add to its perfection. I dreamed of the thing for two days before eating it and for two weeks after eating it. How was this bred and mastered in the same country as the Cow Penis and the Stinky Tofu?

Shanghai, China

Back south to Shanghai. Perhaps the only city I have visited with more neon lights and indigo signs has been Las Vegas. However, Las Vegas quivers in the shadow of enormous Shanghai. It is not a shy city. It will come at you, and come at you boldly. The sky-scrapers here are in constant competition to see who can reach space first. If Chinese astronauts fail in getting to the moon, perhaps one of Shanghai's sky-scrapers will touch down for the nation. I have never seen so many half built complexes and buildings under construction. Mark Twain said of New England weather: “If you don't like the weather in New England, wait a minute, it will change”, well, if you don't like the highest building in Shanghai, wait a month and it will change.

When one is deeply aware of his shortcomings in the practice of singing, and his inability to perform on such a level, it is necessary for him to find motivation, and courage, and will, and a general bravery bordering on suicidal to participate in an event with it as the main attraction. If he can't find any of these things, or he has misplaced some or all of them as his name is called for karaoke, it is best that he finds whiskey instead; it is a worthy substitute, and it clears the throat, what is more. And, if enough of the solution is drank, he can find himself on stage besides Billy Joel, Paul McCartney, Elton John, or Bruce Springsteen. I cannot be the only one that this has worked for. See now, in Shanghai, karaoke is considered a social event, where friends meet to sing, talk, eat, drink, play games, and other general things of that nature. I am willing to do whatever it takes to experience a culture, even if it means belching out inconsistencies at all sorts of inappropriate volumes and incorrect notes; therefore, it is what I did in the name of good travel. I was as horrid as should be expected, having a voice that barely has the energy to speak properly, but it was damn fun all the while. The three hours passed as if they were three minutes! I owe thanks to the following, as without them, none of it could have been possible: the company I shared, because holding back their laughter couldn't have been an easy thing to do considering what comedy was performing in front of them; to myself for going through with the thing, and even completing more than one song; and a special thanks to the whiskey.

My thoughts and opinions of Shanghai are not categorically different from Beijing; both are mega-cities and both are host to more people than most states. Both serve terrific food, and horrible food. Both are polluted; Beijing with smog, and Shanghai with dead pigs floating down the river. The people of Shanghai are slightly more polite and cordial than the people of Beijing, and they have heard of holding a door for someone before, though they practice it rarely. Shanghai is more state of the art, and Beijing is more historically relevant and interesting. My time spent in both cities was enhanced greatly by the company I shared; hospitable and welcoming. The whole time I was in the country, I was treated to the best of what China had to offer, with presumably the best people it had to offer. That I felt at home in a country so extremely foreign to my own is a testament to the kindness of those who were by my side.