Take a Load Off Scotty (Laos)

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid” - Benjamin Franklin

The roads in Laos are troublesome; trouble because of their insistence on existing in a constant state of twists and turns, and some because there are so few. In fact, on the 28 hour bus ride from Hanoi to Luang Prabang, Laos, I only ever saw the one. And, the road made me look for the others, what's more. It wouldn't dream of letting me dream myself or get any sort of meaningful rest without jostling me from my reclined bed, abruptly, to the ceiling of the bus in jerking fashion every three minutes. A kangaroo would've had enough with all the hopping. A toad would've cursed the ride. Perhaps the long road to Hell is on a bus like this one. Perhaps Hell is just one long road on a bus like this one - utter agony, supreme misery, eternal anguish! Very well, the episode came to an end, and elation soon followed.

My first few days in Luang Prabang were spent recovering from some form of ailment. Exactly what I don't know. The long list of possibilities in this part of the world could compete in marathon with Rip Van Winkle's beard, or Rapunzel's hair. Recovery allowed me the time to think of all the important things there are to think about in life. Like why do they use so many zeros in the currencies of Southeast Asian countries? 21,000 Vietnam Dong, 7,000 Laos Kip, and 4,000 Cambodia Riel all equal one U.S Dollar. Who is purchasing something for a Dong, or 10 Dong, or even 100 Dong? Can one actually purchase anything with these denominations? I'm not sure it can be done. The lowest note I saw was 1,000 Dong. Why, the zeros on the thing are useless! They are purposeless, and a nuisance. When one takes out a note to pay for a bill, he has to stare at the thing as if he is undressing it with his eyes, or trying to hypnotize it, and then carefully count the zeros to make sure he is paying 10,000 Dong and not 100,000 Dong. And, if the mistake is made and the 100,000 note is given, he can be sure the mistake will not be amended by the individual receiving the money. Such a thing would be too much to hope for – not in this realm of Asia; not where forgiveness for follies is forgotten fully. No, instead he takes his time and counts delicately, and then recounts. If drinking is involved, he miscounts, or can't see the zeros at all, or doesn't have the patience to care about them anyways. it can be estimated that 100 percent of tourists have left a Southeast Asian country overpaying at least once. Damn! We are cattle, and have a fascinating way of being roped. Every time I feel I have managed to safely navigate the choppy waters of negotiation, I realize I could have sailed easier through another channel, and got the thing for a lesser price. No matter, all the currency mistakes and poorly bargained deals are negligible to the Western wallet, though not insignificant to Western pride, it must be known.

Luang Prabang is the most peaceful place within hundreds of miles in any direction, this is a fact of the world. It is a shepherd to the ever-traveling Mekong River. Mostly, it guides the river down to the south, but sometimes it sends a fisherman, or canoe, or slowboat out into the current to intervene in some way for itself; to gather resources like fish for food, tourists for money, or gentle paddling for tranquility. Every town or city must be a little selfish, you see. Without this drive, everyone would be living in the hills, and what then for the hills? Let us leave the hills for the meek and humble. Without them, we would have no where to go for those duty free resources. Anyway, I tried not to move much while visiting the town. Any type of work would have put my leisure in jeopardy, and I would not have that. To have that would be to have no sense. Rather, I took only short trips walking along the Mekong River or going on rides to the Kuang Si Waterfalls. These are majestic, but the name flawed. If I had been there when they were naming them, I would have surely interrupted before the decision was reached. Cascades is the more accurate term for them; I would have let them keep the “Kuang Si” part, I think; it suits them just fine. Very well, they are still superb with the name they have, I suppose. They are still bright blue with a tint of cloudy green. They still roll slowly over white limestone, and are juxtaposed by lush green jungle canopy. They are still the perfect temperature to swim in, and the perfect depth to bath in. They are still beaten by the sun all day, and by the moon all night, and they still contain all the little minnows that so eagerly pick the dead skin cells off of the human foot. In essence, they are still the same, but with a foolish name.